Most people are boring...

So, I decided to eat in the servery the last 2 days. I know, right? I sort of wanted to become acclimated to people again because I am becoming a serious misanthrope. I also wanted to increase my profile because I'm sick of people saying, "I never see you anymore," or, "I haven't see you this semester(/forever/do you live here?)." And I'm sick of the servery being full of strangers. I'm also bored with my sedentary lifestyle. I don't put on decent clothes when I go out because I've ceased to care about others' opinions; and I avoid eye contact and social interaction because I don't want to care. So I tried eating with other people.

I didn't like it. I find small talk to be tiresome and pointless. I don't like that all of the people around me are strangers (which I could change by being a little more social, but it's a bit late--and anyway, there's some truth to the rumors that Rice is a little clique-ish). And I don't like how very boring common, everyday social interaction is. "How are you?" "How was your Thanksgiving?" "What are your plans for this weekend?" "What are your plans for the next holiday(/semester/life beyond graduation)?"

I've always known that I didn't like small talk, and I'm fairly well-convinced that I'm no good at it. I run out of questions really fast: my mind doesn't work in that direction. Today I had a conversation with several of my close friends about the feasibility of mapping pain responses in the nerves/brains of caterpillars and other small animals with supposedly limited sentience. It may have been nerdy, but it was at least interesting. This is how I choose my friends, and this is how I always want it to be. I don't care about making new friends because I simply don't have the time right now to browse through and select new people who interact at a greater depth of understanding and who don't want to bother with simplicities of daily life. I want to analyze and understand--to discuss not what is, but what could be/should be, what we wish for and what we fear--and I want friends who are interested in doing that with me.

One of my great fears is that I will become like this: satisfied with boring conversations and superficial, circumstantial relationships. I pursue my friendships--my reward is a deeper understanding of people and the world. A lot of times I have little in common with the people I befriend, but I am never lacking for conversation topics with them. Thus why would I bother to try to find new people when I still have so much to discuss with the old?

Pretty soon I'll graduate and make a new life, with new friends--hopefully people that I seek out and with whom I have something in common. Other people chose my college roommates and classmates, and mutual interests didn't play a role in the friendships I developed. In the next life, I hope I get to find other people more like me. But if I don't, that's really okay. I love the friends I've made, and I know that as long as I continue to be discriminating in choosing who is worth the time, I can make friends anyhow. And, most of all, I hope that those people will feel that they get something out of being friends with me.

[Calling Carmen, Judy, Emily, Jocelyn, Laura, Mo, Linda, and Erin: you have all been so worth it. I love you guys and will miss you so much when we go away. <3]